Business... That's All.: Wedding 1 of 2

* I apologize for the length of this blog posting... but I'm bored and this is basically all that I've had to accomplish this week.)

I've been in NB for 96 hours. Current Status: Homo-factor = nil, Anxiety Levels = fair/moderate, Irritation Level = Off the Charts

Wedding 1 of 2 has now been completed.

I'll be posting pics when I get a chance to steal a real Internet connection. Dial-up is currently killing my buzz. I thought cottage life was all about rest and relaxation? Well, I'd be resting right now if it hadn't taken me 10 minutes to get signed into Blogger to write this update. Civilization, I miss you.

Wedding Recap:

Thursday evening was the "bachelor party" which was never actually intended to be the "bachelor party". It was low key (for real real) and involved a few of Ben’s friends driving out to the cottage at the end of their work day. We had lots of beers, wings and other deep fried goodness. A lot of sitting around talking crap about things that none of us really felt like discussing, but it passed the time. Sufficiently bloated, I made my way home (down the beach) in complete darkness without tripping or landing on my drunk ass... Everyday is a challenge.

Friday am, in the midst of a torrential downpour, we made our way to Riverbend. Yes folks, this hobbit left the hills of the Shire to drive some balls and play in the sand traps at the local golf course. It rained. It poured. It rained again. I could barely see where I was let alone where I should be aiming. lol We had a blast and I actually did quite well -well, better than I have in the past. I only managed to lose one ball the entire time, which I think is a reasonable accomplishment.

Then we were off to Chipman for the rehearsal and dinner -Quick and simple. Having never ventured to Chipman, I had no clue just how horribly out of the way it was.... a tiny little village in the middle of nowhere New Brunswick. It was a serious hicktown. It was hotter than balls out and thankfully we had A/C. Air conditioning is my new bf. It's thoughtful. It's there when you need it and unlike a nervous boyfriend, it keeps you from turning into a sweaty mess. Even more, it’s gone when you don’t want it around. What more could you ask for really? We're in love.

After the wedding rehearsal we all headed over to the Motel (yes.. that's an M) to gather for dinner. Rebecca's family arrived and we had a great time chatting it up and generally trying to make she and Ben as uncomfortable as possible about the wedding day tomorrow. Fun stuff. One of Rebecca's relatives lives in Halifax and is shipping out (Navy) on Monday. I recognized him from our regular Saturday night hangout spot... He did as well, which quickly prompted him to flee to the opposite corner of any room we were in for the rest of the weekend. Hilarious. Obviously there will be a Ref's reunion when he returns. That's sure to be entertaining. I thought for sure that he was going to shit his pants when I walked in and paused knowing full well where I had spotted him in the past. I obviously didn't mention it.

Charles, Ben and I headed back to F'ton to spend his last single night hanging out on the deck of his new house. Ben went off to bed early (we needed to be up early) and Charles and I found ourselves sitting in lawn chairs beside the stream below. We drank numerous cans of beer and smoking a healthy dose of weed. High School flashback - Take One. We chatted about the usual random shit and then curiosity got the best of him and he came out with it. We laughed and he told me all about the conversation that he and Julie had last summer. She had basically given him an update, not knowing that I hadn't told him yet. We got a good laugh about it and he wanted to know all about what's been going on since I had moved. At 3am we suddenly realized the time and scrambled off to bed. It was great to know that after all of these years (even though we hadn't been in touch much) things were still the same.

Saturday at 9am. Wedding Day! You're fucking kidding me. I wanted to die. This day was NOT going to go well. I was tired, hungover and wanted nothing more than to sleep and be left alone. I got up and immediately bolted for Tim’s. Coffee was the only option. We gathered ourselves and managed not to forget anything before heading back to Chipman for the big day. We arrived at the motel and I checked in to my room to frantically shower and get ready for the ceremony. We had an hour to accomplish this. Anyone who knows me would soon realize that this was going to be a tight schedule.

As I opened the door to my room (which was oddly unlocked) I was shocked to find an older, greasy, poorly dressed fat guy sitting in a chair drinking Labatt Blue and watching tv. He was in my room. Why? Charles and I immediately look at each other completely confused. Had I walked into the wrong room? Oddly, no I hadn’t. The guy, who's name I didn't bother to catch, stood up to introduce himself. "Hey, are you staying in here as well?" At this point you can imagine my horror. I said nothing. Then he says "oh, well I rent out this room, but I guess you'll have it tonight. I'm not going to be around." Well, isn't that convenient. I could have thrown up. He smelled worse than he looked. He had clearly not showered in 4 days and attempted to mask the stench of BO and cigarette smoke with a costco-sized bottle of cheap old man’s cologne. I gagged. He made me want to boil myself. He got up and left after wasting 10 minutes of my much needed preparation time. Now I needed therapy, not a shower.

Thankfully, the room had been cleaned. I got my shit together and managed not to make the rest of the crew wait long for me… for too long anyway. We went for pre-wedding pics - I had 4 beer to pass the time. My buzz had been recovered. Game on. I made a point of standing beside Navy boy. He was a complete stressball, thinking that I was going to make small talk. We all left for the ceremony…

(Blah Blah... "I Do"... "I Do"...ring, ring, …kiss… leave…) Moving on.

I started off with a glass of white wine and a beer at the reception. It was 6pm after all and I planned to pace myself. Cheryl, Marie and I had already decided that excessive boozing would be in order to mark the occasion. So, I knew that I was in for a long night. Um, yeah... my plan failed miserably. By 8 'o clock I had polished off the 2 bottles of white that I scammed from a neighbouring table. My buzz was now a full-on shitshow. I was tanked. Then the music started. O... M... G... Wedding music, circa 1987. Need I say more? When in Chipman…