Xerox party

So this weekend I was privileged enough to attend a work function for Xerox employees. Flashbacks of my prior work-related functions slapped me in the face as I sat in a ballroom eating more than anyone should consume at one time and drinking gin and tonics. It was an eventful night, but we decided to leave before the fuglies got up out of their chairs and headed to the dance floor to do the macarena. Of course, we opted to bail before they started the speeches and the prizes for being "most brainwashed" and "highest acheiver" were given out... or are they now considered the same thing?
We decided to head back to finish our evening off with excessive amounts of alcohol and then head to the bars to be obnoxious and unapproachable. I did learn one lesson that night though: If you can't dance, it's recommended that you don't attempt to do so withing a 10 ft radius of any black person. It just accentuates your lack of rhythum and invites mocking. So, Mission Accomplished -drunk, sloppy and embarrassing. I finished my evening off with a little zza from Pizza Corner. (which was dry, crusty and lacked flavour) It was a good night... so we were told.

NB... here again. Why?

So, today Megan and I made our way back to NB for the weekend. It was a great day for driving. The tank of winter washer fluid, which I managed to make last since the previous season, came in quite handy in eliminating the muddy mist that I had to remove as I tailgated and passed traffic. Yes, I'm aware that staying a safe distance from the car in front of me would eliminate the needs to do so, but who has time for safety when you're heading home for free meals and an endless supply of wine and beer? That's hardly logical.
Apparently I'm missing a birthday party for Stephanie on saturday night at Dave and Jody's apartment. There will be lots of drunkeness, and a cake no doubt. Again, why am I here? Oh right, to get my winter tires. Silly me.
I'm heading to Freddy tomorrow afternoon to escape the monotony of St. George. Hopefully I'll find something fun to do, and keep out of trouble. Sandra better be happy to see me. I will be making a trip to Miami tomorrow for a touch up. God, I love that place. I miss my VIP status when I walk into the Sun Room with Jody now. Instead, I find myself being lectured about tanning protocol like I'm an amateur. God, if they only knew. Yes, I'm aware it's going to kill me someday. However, if I plan to be cremated, then I just see this as a little pre-heating... and besides, I'll make a better looking corpse if i'm not pale and unsightly. Dead AND fugly... not fair, and not happenin'.

Amazing Headache

OMG... First of all, I'm glad that a reality TV show that doesn't completely suck has finally started another season. I will admit that I do enjoy the Amazing Race, but holy shit this season may just be the one that breaks me. Have you seen the contestants? And have you had the misfortune of having to listen to Jonathan?
I would be willingly to move to an old folks home, rooming with some old degenerate with an incontinence problem, than spend more than an hour with that guy. He has to be one of the most annoying humans in existence. Why didn't he fall out of that boat when he was howling like a fucking wolf? There is no justice in this world.
Perhaps we should advise Bush that Jon's a threat to the homeland, since he openly admits that he has "Jedi powers and can make the impossible happen..." that's something to worry about George. You better get cracking.

The Pink T-Shirt Incident

fugly
Originally uploaded by jeffmyles.

So, ok, I wore a pink shirt. Is this a crime? It was funny and I looked skinny so fuck off. If God didn't want me to he would have made it in another size. I rest my case.

SNOW DAY

Well, today was a snow day for the "employed". How fun. We all spent the afternoon sitting around watching the Food Network with our stomachs growling. Fun times. Lots of great xmas cooking ideas. It was a nice lazy afternoon and they got to experience a monday in the life of the rest of us.. and I think they're jealous. haha
Today I experienced the whirlpool. My God, that thing is the best. It almost hurts to the point of not being comfortable, but as you all know, I have a weird fixation for pain.... well, maybe just mouth pain, but I still enjoyed it.
Um, so I'm officially a Nova Scotia citizen today. Yep, I broke down and called to let the gov't know that I've packed up and moved. What the don't know won't kill them, and although I haven't found a job to date, I anticipate that my chances of finding something worthwhile will be greater here. (well, that's what I'm told anyway) so I figured they might as well be in the know.
Why isn't Ben & Jerry's readily available in my freezer? This is something that needs to be rectified. Quick, fix this... I'm waiting. Cherry Garcia is a gift from God. I need some.
Jenny went in to get her tonsils out today. I hope she's doing well. I've promised to buy her a gift every week that she can pull off not smoking. Gifts have yet to be determined... any suggestions?

Oh Jesus... here we go.

So, Today I awoke to a shitstorm... Well, maybe not shit, but we're definitely experiencing a good old fashioned snow storm. First snow fall of the season. God, I hate this cold weather bullshit. Nothing irritates me more than cold, wet feet and scraping off my windows with frozen red hands. You may wonder why I might not just put on appropriate footwear and perhaps some gloves... but no, I'm not up for that. It's my nature to go unprepared and complain about it. I wouldn't want to alarm anyone with an easy transition to sub-zero temperatures.
Megan, Julie and I went for brunch this morning at Jane's on the Common. Very nice place, the food was delish and the dessert was amazing. Apply-cranberry crisp... is that combination even legal? Darcy really missed out, but I'm sure he's enjoying himself on his weekend cottage getaway regardless.
Afterwards Megan and I ventured to the mall, but despite several attempts at parking it appeared that everyone in Nova Scotia had the same idea. Thank God we didn't go in, I would have shot someone I'm sure. So, now we're sitting back at the lake with the fire lit, snow falling outside, and the Food Network taunting our palettes. Martha must be cringing.

my first entry.... oooh, how exciting!

So today I decided that it would be somewhat productive to develop a blog of my own. This comes after spending countless hours reading blogs I've discovered while wasting the hard earned dollars of Canadian Tax Payers. Job hunting online has grown beyond annoying, and I need some other form of entertainment.