Don't hate me because I'm short... I'm short because you hate me

ok, so here's a recap of saturday nights events. I'll let you decide for yourself if I should be concerned:
- pre-drinking at Jody's. Mass quantities of booze were consumed as usual.
-went to Stage Nine with the roomies to see Reuben spin and so Julie could meet the guy she picked up at the teachers retirement party. Yes, she picked up at a retirement party... only she could pull that one off. I bonded with the coatcheck girl and she agreed to let me in dispite the "height requirement" she was enforcing.
-met a girl named Ashley while standing at the bar. She was 21 and right off the bat I told her that she needed to lose 3 things: 1) her "Hi I'm from Granola, British Columbia" glasses, 2) her bad lid and 3) her ugly friend -who could be best described as a Bif Naked look-a-like (which I openly announced later) She appreciated my honesty and we bonded over bottles of Keith's and watched the stoners dance in some mad mating ritual... sickening. She was fun times.
-Trilby and J-M were there... I tried to do the pretzel with her on the dance floor which wasn't nearly as fun as our attempts in her livingroom. Then I fast-forwarded their happy 5 month marriage straight to couples councelling when I decided to kiss her in front of her enormous 350lbs husband. I could see my life flashing before me in his glaring eyes... ooops. Luckily I scrambled and the riot squad took over. Then I was off to Reflections with Darcy and Julie
-while waiting in line at the bar I had a piss panic attack. Luckily at this point Jenny, Glenn and Jody had arrived and were behind us in line so I grabbed Jody's keys and ran to his apartment, pissed and made it back in record time. Now I'm back standing in line in the freezing cold with everyone... why didn't I take my time and then stroll to the front of the line like all the others? oh right, I was dillusional. Darcy and Julie bailed because it was taking too long. BOOO!
-Again, Scott Gooooooooordon was sighted out ravaging the community. His leathery skin and freakishly white teeth were blinding. His obnoxious voice could be heard for miles... "hey girlz" Bleh... my god he's a freak of nature. Avoidance is key.
-Glenn took the liberty of introducing me to people as Tompkins all evening. I played the part and advised that I had an ankle biting fetish to add to the story.
-I spotted my black momma again... let's call her "African Violet" for future reference. Her real name remains a mystery. It was my third siting and she was looking damn sexy in her grey mumu and shiny tinsel earrings. Her huge guns pounded the earth as she danced her ass off -well, around anyway. I'm guessing that she wasn't AS excited to reunite as I was. But still, it was nice to say hello again.
-at about 3:30am I was well on my way to alcohol poisoning when I discovered that I had a prize sitting at the bottom of my glass. Was I the lucky winner? At some point a toonie had been dropped in and was hidden by the excessively large lime wedge. yuck. Normally I'd just fish it out and dispose of the drink, but no. I was far too drunk to do that. So, I headed to the bar where Heidi strained it through a martini shaker and topped it up with more gin to "kill whatever was on it" She's so smart! Oh, and I'll have 2 more doubles while I'm here.... sick.
-Glenn and I had a drunken "I love you man, you're the greatest friend ever" moment. I announced that I appreciated him because he was taller than me. Sounds like a good enough reason I guess... I suspect that means I love everyone now. lol DORKS!
-Megan arrives. She sits on a stool and mocks me for being "out of control" don't judge Megan, it's bad Karma!
-then came the dance-off. Gilles happened to be walking by us and some sarcastic comments were thrown around - joking as usual. We decide to scrap it out, but then Glenn shouted "Pas de violence... We'll settle this with a dance off!". Needless to say, I hauled out the "running man" and took the show. Here's hoping that everyone at the bar suffered a spell of momentary blindness and missed the ordeal.
-we left the bar and Megan, Jody and Glenn decide to make the drunk one deal with the pizza line. So, off I stagger to get slices for the crew. After what seemed like 6 hours, I arrived home. Mine, of course, wasn't what I had ordered... or thought I did anyway. I asked for a donair, not a pepperoni slice with an enormous elephant cum load of donair sauce. gross. Too drunk to go back... too tired to stay awake.

Dreaming?

... apparently I was.

Ok, so I decided to show my roommates that I'm not quite the mindless, internet-addicted social burden that they have likely concluded. In my subtle attempt, I made a few movie suggestions that could depict SOME level of competence and appreciation for thought-provoking subjects. This, I thought, would serve to show them I had a brain as well as great taste in movies -hopefully deminishing their pre-conceived notions.

This particular movie was a bit off, I'll admit. But I still thought it was really well done. The plot seemed somewhat vague and unless you're in the right mood I'm sure most would have found some scenes a bit graphic. In all, I think that's what made the movie for me. I watched it alone last night and immediately got it. Tonight we watched together and I found myself ENRAGED having to explain the obvious and repeatedly remind that "if you pay attention it will all come together in the end". Why is this a difficult concept for so many people? It's a fucking movie. There's a start, some shit in the middle to make you think and an ending that somehow ties things together for you. No surpises there. Don't ask me to ruin it for you or ask me to explain what's going on when it's clear. In fact, don't fucking open your mouth. People that talk during movies should be shot in the face with a ball of their own shit. I have NO tolerance for it. This goes ESPECIALLY when they ask you to repeat what was just clearly explained...

Well, the movie ended. The response I got: " omg, that was... different."
I asked myself, was it "different" because you genuinely FAILED to pick up on the meaning? Was it that you were pre-occupied with irrelevant details and fell behind and became completely lost? Finally, were you NOT getting it at all because you lost interest and chose to gab and comment instead?
Regardless, I doubt that my point was made. Now I've just embellished "bad renter" to my list of wretched qualities. lol I can't win.

Golden...

Golden...
Originally uploaded by jeffmyles.

Picture it, Barrington St. 2040. Judy and Derella have finished their morning coffee and have already discussed and defamed the "who's hot and who's not" over this weeks issue of Star magazine. Not much has changed for these gals in the last 40years. It's 8am and Judy thinks it would be great for the two of them to splurge a little with the pension cheques this month. She suggests that they head up to Sears to get their hair did and pick up some new hosiery for a night out on the town. Derella thinks that's a grand idea, so they dolly themselves up in their finest and call for their driver. You never know who you're going to see at the mall!
Yes, these gals will be making their way to the bingo hall tonight in fine style. As per usual, Judy decides to go all out and buy a snazzy new godiwishmytitswerenttomyknees jewelneck jumper, new orthos and a swarovski broach. She's can't be seen wearing last decades duds.
Derella has grown tired of their shopping excursion after only a few hours of sauntering around. Her feet hurt and she desperately needs get something to eat. Just as they're leaving, Judy discovers the photo studio and insists that they get a quick pic taken. Derella, as you can imagine, wasn't thrilled but went along with the idea as usual...
Man, what fine lookin' ladies! Smile!!! LOL

and so it is...

As an update to friday's comments... I received a call last night at 8pm confirming that I was worthy of employment. Yes folks, I'm officially employed again. Although it's only part-time, at least it's a reason to bathe and dress myself on a daily basis.
What I found quite odd about this was that someone would call on a saturday evening to make such an offer. Um, would you not suspect that a 26yr old with no employment obligations would likely be OUT DOING SOMETHING ON A SATURDAY NIGHT? lol Apparently not. Luckily I had chosen to take it easy this weekend and spend my time watching movies in the comfort of my livingroom.
So I don't start until the 17th... that gives me a week to get prepared for waking my ass up before noon.

What have I done?

2005... The Year I STOP Being A Social Burden! :)

So, it's been 2005 for about a week and I've already accomplished more than I had in the last 3 months. Wow, how productive... I'm extraordinary.
Rather than make outrageous New Year's resolutions, I chose to kickstart this winter with an all-out rampage. My main focus, of course, being employment. I'm also plunging back into school, and getting back in shape. The latter will be requiring a gym membership, which I will be acquiring once I rid myself of this financially-dysfunctional lifestyle.
In the last few days I have had 4 jobs callbacks, 1 interview at the Casino (which went well... ) and have enrolled in a business class at NSCC to occupy my time. I felt that I needed to dive in or I would never get it together. Unfortunately, my transition to Halifax was not the kick in the ass I had anticipated. I became too comfortable living the retired, lakeside lifestyle I had become so accustomed to this summer... minus the 'rents and crazy neighbours of course.
It feels slightly overwhelming, but I think it's the best option. I'll work p/t and take some courses. I need to edge my way back into the whole working thing. It's been ..... a while.
Today I sat at this desk slightly entertained by the neighbours clearing off the ice in front of their home for skating. He looked to be having fun zipping around on his ATV.
I realized three things today:
1. I miss skating... it's fun, and it gives you an excuse to eat chili and drink rum. Plus, you get some much-needed fresh air and exercise.
2. I need to buy new skates. I think mine are at the cottage which fails to help me in this situation. Also, men's skates are horribly over-priced... why didn't I think of this BEFORE xmas?
3. I need a serious amount of ambition to go out there and shovel off a skating rink. The snow is crusty and annoying (like some people I know) We don't know the neighbours, and I feel it's too obnoxious to use their spot.... is this wrong? I mean, we're Maritimers... it's expected isn't it? Dad, get your ass down here and plow off the lake... ASAP!