If You Know What I Mean And I Think You Do...

Things to point out:

- When hobbits need taxis, they get taxis.

- Hobbits and Lesbians make Ewok babies.

- Sangria is the ultimate beverage.

- Hot dogs will not ruin your buzz.

- Rum & Coke = Gay men make out with lesbians.

- Side Dishes CANNOT be ordered at North End Diner. Poached eggs are NOT on the menu. Judgement, however, comes at no charge.

- Blur is the new Reflections.

- Rum hangovers last 2 days.

- Theme of the Summer: Keep it in the family.

Don't Be Rash With Me, Bonnie!

An outbreak of the rare skin condition commonly known as "Bonnie Raitt" was reported in the Annapolis Valley region of Nova Scotia over the weekend. The infection, although not life-threatening, can cause severe itching and burning in the affected area. Symptoms generally last up to a week and can be treated with cold water, vinegar compresses or a fine-grit beltsander.
Most commonly effecting the unkept locals and occasional livestock, this outbreak managed to touch several hygiene-oriented homos vacationing on a long weekend Gay-Away retreat. Researchers were delighted as this confirmed their theory that "Bonnie Raitt" can give even non-valley dwellers something to talk about.

When A Diamond Says It Best...

Check Out The Full Gay-Away Report here...

I'm not going to bother topping this one!

Shut up. I know what your response is already.

Gay-Away 2006 : "Trout Lake"

This weekend marked the beginning to what is bound to be one of my most memorable summers yet. We kicked things off with our first out-of-city excursion to Stephen's cottage on Trout Lake. (Pics to follow upon consent)

Attendance: Stephen, Scott, Marcus, Benjie, Paul, Joseph, Rocky, Jeff, Charles, Kevin, Peter, Patrick and Ollie.

"Gay Soup In The Valley"

Our weekend started with a one-nighter at Stephen's parents new home in the valley - a beautiful spot set high on the hill overlooking the old family farm. Tres fab. A feast of spaghetti was ready and waiting, after which we promptly settled in for an evening of heavy drinking and naked hot tubbing* in the rain. I trust that we didn't keep the parents up ALL night. Breakfast was amazing and Stephen's mom didn't appear to vengefully poison us. As overwhelming as a dozen drunk homos can be, I guess we're still on her good side. haha
Thanks to Peter and Bev. We had a blast!

"Cottage Couture & Cold Water"

Saturday Morning arrival at the cottage. A cute little spot with minimal spectators. An ideal location for letting loose. hehe Hot water issues kept the happy homos from keeping squeeky clean, but with a little improvisation we managed quite nicely. Group sponge bathing! Just kidding. I planned ahead and had brought enough clothing and matching footwear to stay for a month. Luckily, we were all in the same boat... until it capsized anyway.
Teams were formed for cooking duties and the weekend menu was delish. The gays... they love to organize. Peter and Patrick's salmon and salad combo was a big hit. Even Rocky enjoyed it... and he hates salmon.
Saturday was a low key evening of bonfire and patio dancing... early to bed. We were all wiped from the sun and heavy boozing I suppose.

The weather seemed to cooperate for us on Sunday as well. None of the forecasted rain we had been expecting, which was great. We spent Sunday afternoon sailing around the lake... or I should say slamming the boat into rocks. No major damage, thankfully.
Thanks to "Wally" the bass boat driving local for kindly watching from a distance as Patrick, Marcus and I attempted to flip our capsized boat back in order. He and his friend parked and watched the drunk homos struggle to get going again. Cruel. Actually, now that I think about it... Fuck You Wally, we're over!

Note to self: Sailing + Beer = Disaster.

Despite running out of booze, we kept things entertaining with some in-house activities. Everyone participated and Kevin won "Most Dedicated".
That's all the information I can give at this time. hehe

*Photos and video footage may be purchased for a minimal fee

Things To Do...

Things To Do During The Last 30 Minutes Of Your Work Week:

- Quietly finish off the remains of yesterdays birthday cake at your desk - Don't draw attention to the fact that you're consuming at least 4 portions on your own SHH!

- Test out all of the pens found in your drawers -Throw out the ugly and/or dead ones

- empty/clean coffee mugs

- Go to the bathroom as not to waste unpaid weekend hours on Friday evening

- Delete saved voicemail messages

- Neatly pack up the tupperware/travel mugs from the previous week

- Disperse candy wrappers and pop cans from your garbage as not to alarm the cleaning staff of your sugar obsession

- Blog about how the last 30 minutes seems like a lifetime

This Day Is Never Ending... Thank God For YouTube!

This One's For You, Mandrew!

Village People - Sex Over the Phone





"And just who is the extra village person? Billy Ocean guest vocalling?"

Valley Boys Roadtrip - Chapter One

Granola Grandeur

It's now 1:25am and I just finished packing my things for our extended gay-a-way weekend. I'm tired, cranky and generally unpleasant to deal with. Tomorrow morning should be rather enjoyable at work... ugh There better be a coffee on my desk when I arrive.

Anyway, We're all heading to Steve's cottage for the weekend in... um...? I'm not exactly sure. It's somewhere in the valley. That's all I know. But hey, it doesn't really matter to me. The important thing is that we have lots of fun and we remember to bring the essentials: Booze, shoes and hair product.
This weekend Joseph and I will be on the lookout for our beloved granola gays. Let's face it, we're heading to the valley... it's bound to be littered with horny farm boys. Here's hoping we wrangle some this weekend! :) Hopefully we'll find a Granola Bar along the way. I hear that's the place to spot them. Wish us luck!

(Valley Boys play-by-play to follow....)

Well, everyone else posted it... so I will too :)

LOVES YOU DANIELLE!!!!

Although, I also loves you Joanie...






Don't loves you so much though, Jade...

So Sowwy

Sorry no blogs... I've been renovating the Shire. I'm photo-documenting it's progress. Details to follow.

Lunch Menu

Today's Lunch Menu:

1 - Sticks Lemon Chicken Kabob (use of the term "kabob" generally implies grilled vegetable and meat... not so much this time)

1 - Side of Rosemary Sweet Potatoes (very good... added to my "BBQ menu" for the summer)

1 - King Size Twix Bar

1 - Can of Sour Cream 'n Onion Pringles. Yes, the can. Shut it.

Things That Make You Go Mmm...

Just walked to Shoppers for a treat. It's fantastic outside. My twix bar melted in the package on the way back. I purposely held it by the end as not to man handle it too much. The sun molested my twix bar.

STFU KEEN HOROSCOPE!

"Romance"? "Too Intense To Handle"?

Ahh, yeah... Excuse me?
Apparently I've been missing something here. I don't recall starting any romances and if I have then it certainly hasn't been too intense to handle. Why must you mock me?!


Gawd.

My Latest Obsession

This site fucking rocks. I plan to waste SEVERAL hours of my workday reading these.

http://www.notproud.com/

Jade... The "Undiscovered Neologist"

Jade from ANTM needs to check herself.

It's one thing to possess the style and confidence of a professional model, but if you're going to go on television and attempt to come off as an intelligent human being it would help if your vocabulary complimented the fact. Jade apparently didn't get the memo or meminder or memote... Whatever she chose to call it.
Instead, Jade uses made-up words like "analystical", "decipheration", "tornness", "dwelve" and "brunetteness" (one of my favourites so far) with a false sense of confidence. Let's not also forget all of the others... like "withhandle", "releasement", "derogatoriness" and "considerating". Perhaps the judges should start "considerating" the fact that she's a fucking moron and boot her ass out of the competition.

STFU Jade. You're a stupid cunt.

Regardless, whomever wins the competition (Danielle we're rooting for you) the judges have already taken the most important step of all... voting off this specimen:


Cute...

FURONDA BE GONDA! :)

I'm happy to report that Furonda Brasfield has been voted off of the America's Next Top Model competition... As a result, I will now be able to sleep soundly knowing that her gangly body won't be flailing about on next weeks show. She's so awkward and fugly that I find her existence completely horrifying.

In other news, Joanie won this weeks competition. Jade, aka SUPERCUNT, says that she's not worried because "she's not at her level". I hope Joanie wins and Jade gets eaten by a pack of dogs. Fuck she's an arrogant bitch. There, I've said it.

OH WHATEVER! I Was Just Pointing Out The Obvious!

Thanks to all of my favourite B's & T's for coming out to the Fireside last night. I love you all and hope we have many more nights like that to remember... or forget. I had a wonderful time and was greatful that you could all make it.

Oh, a special Thank You to the Cosmopolitan for the gift I received this morning. This is the worst hangover I've had in years. Luckily I had already reserved the morning for blog reading/recooperating... so I'll survive.

Thanks Everyone! :)

MYLEStones

Well, I've made it to 28. I find it hard to believe how quickly the past few years have gone by. I seriously feel like I may have skipped a few without notice (which was likely the booze). Aside from the grey hairs they seem to be sprouting at a rapid rate I really don't feel any older. I suppose that will come in handy later on and that this is the time to consider a routine dye job to secure the look for my future. haha
Things have been going well for me in the past year and I have a great deal to be thankful for. I have developed a great group of friends here in Halifax, I enjoy my job and the people I work with and the household at Hatchet Lake never fail to provide me with entertainment. I've changed a lot over the past year as well. Mainly in allowing myself to become more emotionally vulnerable. It hasn't always been for the best and my actions reflected that on occasion, but I guess that's all part of the learning process. At least I can recognize that now.
I'm really looking forward to spending another crazy summer at the house... the all-night bonfires, barbeques and lazy Sunday afternoons on the dock. I live for that shit.
This summer is going to be quite hectic. I've reached the age where most of my friends are now beginning to get hitched. It's exciting and depressing at the same time. I have 6 weddings to attend in June/July alone. I'm looking forward to being part of Ben's ceremony and the roadtrip to Ottawa that Sandra and I will be making at the end of June for Katie's. Hopefully I'll be able to visit with my Ottawa crew while I'm there. I'm going to be wedding gift-poor by the end of all of this!
Then comes the 10 year high school reunion. I'm having mixed feelings about that one. Most of the people in my graduation class have been married at least once, have a minimum of 2 kids at a pet and are still living in my home town. The few people that I still keep in touch with fall outside of this category, so really we have nothing new to share. I really have nothing to discuss or relate to with all of that. I mean, I haven't had a long-term relationship... and I really don't feel like being the token single gay guy there to amuse them. I will likely opt out of that one. It's not like I have much to share anyway.
So what's on the menu for this year? Well, hopefully things will continue on in the right direction. I'm not going to wish for anything in particular. It's pointless and leaves opportunity for failure and disappointment. lol Let's just say that I'm holding onto the notion that things will fall into place as they should... and at the right time.
I'm going to stop attempting to rush it and enjoy what goes on as it comes... something I should have done all along.